Musing Monday: Happy Birthday, Mary Ann!!

Today is a special day. On this day, 50 years ago, a pretty awesome woman was born.

Happy birthday, Mary Ann!!

Thank-you so much for welcoming me into your family; trusting me to love and care for and be loved and cared for by Peter, even though certain aspects of me are less than ideal.

Thank-you for the way you raised Peter; teaching him by example what a good relationship looks like, building his self-confidence, encouraging him to make good choices but still giving him lots of freedom...

Thank-you for teaching me to find my voice (okay, okay, I'm still working on it).

Thank-you for encouraging me to pursue my photography.

Thank-you for having me over every Sunday to watch Game of Thrones.

Thank-you for being patient with me through all my anxieties, awkwardness, and self-doubting.

Thank-you for not judging me.

Thank-you for all the bad-ass things you've done for me, directly or indirectly - getting me side stage for City and Colour and Mother Mother, helping my story get noticed for it to end up on CTV, fundraising for my surgery through your own freaking birthday party, basically co-managing my campaign, helping me find jobs here and there...

Thank-you for being strong enough for both of us when Peter was in the hospital. Enough said.

I hope to know you for a long time - I've still got a lot to learn from you.

Love,

Sarah

Musing Monday: What Do You Think About ____? Actually wait, please don't tell me. (Pt. 1)

Hearing the opinions of other people is a good thing, right?

I always say that I handle other people's opinions well. 

I've duped myself. Not sure if I fooled anyone else, though.

I can't take criticism. I just can't.

I mean, if you consider nodding and smiling and promising to change and do better and conform to what the other person is saying, then sure, I take criticism amazingly!

But really, if I even get a hint of somebody not agreeing with me, I go into panic mode and automatically assume that it means they hate me as a person and that I did something wrong and then I start a whole self-loathing episode and my brain reminds me of every single stupid thing I've ever done in my entire life.

It's bad. It's really bad. I know. But hard as I try, I've just always been like this. I have my suspicions as to why, but nothing confirmed.

So I just keep living like this. And it's always been this way. But why?

No amount of reassurance will help me. I appreciate it, but it doesn't work.

This isn't the best feature to have as a blogger/performer/artist...

I've been working on this post for a while, but it keeps tangenting into my other social quirks and anxiety-riddled life, and I intended this post to just be about not taking criticism well, sooo... I guess I'll just end it here.

Expect another more general post about my extreme awkwardness in the near future (I'll elaborate on this topic more, too).

I'm going to call this Part 1. Maybe make a mini-series of posts to try to explain my anxiety and accompanying issues. Hmmm.

-Sarah

Procrastination...

Here I am, blogging, when I have a 10 page paper due tomorrow morning that I've barely started...

All I want to do is think about Christmas.

I want to start making cards and gifts.

I want to hang out with my best friend.

I want to siiiiing!

I do NOT want to write a stinky story for Creative Writing (Personal Narrative) about someone I used to think was wonderful, but now can't stand.

Whine, whine, whine.

Kai, gotta get back to writing. Blah.

Peace!

When life gives you lemons, make orange juice and let people wonder how you did it.

...but if anyone figures out the steps necessary to make this possible, would you please make an exception and tell me?!


The title of this post is a pretty common saying now, so that part isn't unique to me, but neither is the second part, even if people don't generally follow it up like that.

What the heck am I trying to say?

Well, that saying is very cheery, a bit funny, and definitely optimistic. But it's missing a pretty crucial part.

HOW DO WE MAKE THE STUPID ORANGE JUICE?!?

Maybe it's the realist in me, or some might argue, the pessimist, but you can't tell me that I'm the only one who wonders. Life is basically like this, isn't it? We usually at least have a very basic loose idea of the right thing to strive for, but the difficult part is knowing HOW to get to it. Like I said in an earlier post, our ultimate goal is eudaimonia - ultimate happiness, whatever that means for that person. Are there many different ways per person to reach that, or only one set way that we're all searching for? How do we know if we found that way anyways??

How do we know if anything is real or correct? If we're born into a family who thinks a certain way, even if we really search and examine our thinking and motives, how do we know for sure that it's a personal thing if we've never experienced anything else? Yes, it could very well be a personal thing apart from a family thing, but how can you really tell if that's all you've ever known?

How do we know with certainty that the grass isn't greener on the other side in certain cases?

We don't.

The question is, should we strive to find out, or shut up and accept the seemingly inevitable lemonade?

These are the sort of thoughts that keep me up at night.

1st day of semester 2

Hello all!

So, today was the first day of semester 2. I have: A) Math 11 B) spare C) Socials 11 D) Drama 11 E) Choir/Vocal Jazz (alternating). Phew! It's only the first night of homework, and boy, I have TONS. A huge math 10 review package, and a Socials essay, both due tomorrow! YIKES! Oh, and I forgot to mention, I've also got Earth Science online, which is an ongoing, horrible course. It's just so dry, and I have no interest in it...! Anyways, enough complaining. I really like my teachers! So hopefully they get me through the semester with what's left of my sanity.
I've got to go to bed- school starts at 8:00! =)

God bless,
Sarah

A GREAT day!!

Hey everyone!

So, today was a GREAT day. I thought it would be horrible, considering that I had to go to school during I week and take a Math quiz and a HUGE Math unit test. But... I got 94% percent on the quiz (not too big of a deal though), and... 92% on the SUPER hard one!! I've never gotten that good of a mark in my LIFE!! I was jumping up and down... =D  Then, Justin came over and we studied and played DDR. I'm pretty bad at it but he's awesome, so we unlocked more songs. =)
Tomorrow I've got a big asthma test and an x-ray, so prayer would be appriciated! I'm a wee bit nervous. I've got another one soon after that, too. Yay. =P
Anyways, hope you all are having a good night!

God bless,
Sarah

Sickness, sickness, LEAVE ME ALONE!

Warning: if you have absolutely no tolerance for a bit of complaining, go away. =)


Hey everyone,

As you can see by the title, I'm still sick, and seemingly getting worse. My fever keeps increasing then breaking, increasing then breaking, and my cough is so bad I sound like a weezle. (Wheezing, get it? Ha. Ha. *coughcough*)
Aaaaaaaaanyways, I missed school today, and almost went insane! I missed my friends, since it's Monday, and I hadn't seen most of them since Friday, including Justin. But he stopped by today after school with my homework questions, and to see me. So sweet! =)
Hope you all stay healthy!!

God bless,
Sarah

Christmas Is Near

Hey everyone,

Can you believe that it's almost Christmas?! I certainly can't. I keep seeing Facebook statuses like "4 days 'till Christmas, YAY!!", and then... my mind is blown. =P It doesn't feel like it's almost Christmas!
And also, I'm getting so mixed up with which day it is- I blame it on the lack of school. Not that that's a bad thing!! Goodness no.
Ah, I just LOVE Christmas!! I agree with that song- it really is the most wonderful time of the year. The Christmas tree is up, the lights on the house, the house smells of baking, Christmas music blaring (though I don't appreciate it when I'm TRYING to sleep! *coughmumcough*), and the atmosphere in general is... peaceful. Well, for the most part. As good as it's getting, anyways. =P
But, no complaints here. I am happy. =)
Though, a little snow would be nice...
Ok, I'm not even going to start!

Merry Christmas, and God bless!

Sarah

Exciting Update!

I can't type for long, but just a quick update in my life:

I MIGHT BE SINGING THE NATIONAL ANTHEM AT A LACROSSE GAME AT 8:00 PM ON FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!

I got the information today from my choir teacher, and I phoned the guy in charge just this afternoon- he said he would love to meet me, and wants me to come out to the game/practise tomorrow night at 7:00 to have mini-audition - well, I guess to see who I am and if I can carry a tune. :P

Pray that it works out please, it'll be an awesome experience if I get it!! :D

Sarah out!

Anger and Tears

I am SO upset! I was supposed to go on a field trip with my socials class to a Holocaust exhibit, but now, the day before, my parents said no. NO!

The reasons:

1) I have too much school work

2) My mum’s too busy to drive me

3) I’ve had a ‘bad attitude’ (misinterpreted I say!!)

I even phoned around trying to figure out someone to carpool with, and when that didn’t work, I looked up the transit routes out there, and was possibly going to take the bus with my friend. But NO, that would take too much time away from my school work, and it’s too dangerous.

Anyone who talks to me on a regular basis KNOWS how excited I was. I’ve always been very interested in the Holocaust- though it makes me sad, I find it very interesting. I’ve taken books out of the library and everything!
My keyboard is soaked with salt water, I’m not even joking.

Bottom line:

I WAS SOOOO EXCITED.

AND NOW I’M… UNBELIEVABLE CHOKED.

That is all.

Exhilaration! Celebratory Finale

So, my concert was last night! You know, the one with the Elektra Women's Choir, the Mira program I was in? Well, it went great! I made it through all 10 songs, which were in English, Latin, Croatian, Serbian, and Japanese! The other choirs that sang with us were the Balkan Babes from Victoria, Brilliant Harmony from Tokyo, and WWU Women's Chorale from Bellingham. They were all SO amazing!! And I loved their conductors too! Ko from Tokyo was SO funny!!!! Our conductors are great too! :)

Has anyone reading this ever been to Christ Church Cathedral? If you haven't, check out the pictures below. Anyways, when you're not singing, you have to sit in the pews and the chairs that were set up behind the stage, so depending on the size of the choir, you may or may not be seen.

This is the front of the church, including the stage.

Anyways... when the Balkan Babes were singing one of their songs... well... I fell asleep. Ok, I know that sounds bad, but it wasn't because their singing was horrible or something!! In fact, they were AMAZING! But, the music they sing is so hypnotic... it's all in different languages, with lots of little trills and stuff... it's hard to explain, but I promise, it wasn't anything to do with their voices! Plus, I was REALLY tired, and sick too. So that's why. But I just had to share this story, because I found it funny. :)
When I was asleep, I had a dream that me and my friend Rachelle (my friend who was sitting next to me) were on Broadway, preforming Hairspray... she was Tracy, and I think I might have been Penny... weird, huh?!?

Anyways, my whole Mira experience was AWESOME, and I feel so incredibly lucky and blessed to have been able to be a part of something so exciting, fun, and wonderful. I can't wait to do it again next year!! I wonder if I can request to get the same mentor... all of us Mira girls were assigned mentors from Elektra to help us and make us feel really welcome. My mentor's name is CLee (pronounced See-Lee), and she was just great! I would LOVE to get her again next year!! I already miss her! I wanted to cry wen I was saying goodbye. And I miss Kate... and Nancy... and Grace... oh, I miss them all!! =(
I miss the Mira girls too! But, at least, I think they all have Facebook. ;) I actually gave up Facebook for lent, but when that's over, I'll add them!

Here are the only pictures that turned out: (courtesy of my little sister, the photographer) =P
In her defense though, you couldn't use a flash.

You can't actually see me, but I'm somewhere on the left (when you're looking at it)

And this is me with my 2 friends that did the Mira program with me! Love you guys!

Anyways, that's all I have to say!

God bless!

Haircut!!

Hello all!
So...
I GOT MY HAIR CUT!!
For all of you who voted on how it should be done, thanks!!
Unfortunately... I didn't get my hair cut really short, like the poll said I should. I couldn't bring myself to! Plus, the poll was just to give me an idea, not to tell me what to do. But I really appreciate all of you! Thanks again!!
I got about 2-3 inches off the bottom, and I got bangs! I haven't had bangs since I was... uh... well, VERY young! I LOVE them though! =)
Here's what I look like now!

With glasses...

And without!

Man my hair looks so brown now! My hair used to be SO blond! =(
Not that there's anything wrong with brown hair! It's just that... well, I'm a blond! It's always been that way! The hairdresser actually thought I had dyed my hair, because the bottom of my hair (that she cut off) was bleached looking! The lighting was bad when I took the picture too, though. So my hair is still significantly lighter than it appears there.
Anyways, just thought I'd give you faithful followers an update!

Thanks for readin'!

So... Much... Schoolwork!

Hello! This is going to be a short post, because I have SO much work to do! I have a ton of stuff due tonight at 11:59!! I'm currently writing a script for the trial of Louis Riel. It's fun, but very hard! I don't know how a trial works!! So, I've done a lot of researching! =)
I have English and Planning to do too... oh dear... wish me luck! =)

Back in the Swing of Things

School has been happening for quite a while now! Oh dear, grade 10 is SO hard! I honestly like the work I'm doing (except Math of course, haha) it's just the AMOUNT of work. I didn't believe my friends when they told me grade 10 is harder than any other grade. Now I'm a believer, ya ya ya ya, I'm a believer! You know, like the song? Sorry. Anyways, I should go, because I need to finish a crazy-long English assignment that was due last night! God bless!
Sarah