Happy Father's Day, Dad!!

                

Dear Dad:

Happy Father's Day! I may not always "show" that I love you as much as Emma always has with tons of cuddles and kisses, but hopefully you still know how much I love you since I did get that part of my personality from you. ;)

Thank-you for always taking me to the park to play catch with me and then raving to mum when we got home about how well I did.

Thank-you for always showing up (and usually actively watching) my games.

Thank-you for how hard and long you work to provide for our family.

Thank-you for all the work you did to organize the fundraiser at Roo's.

Thank-you for wrestling with Emma and I all the time.

Thank-you for all the random and fun video projects you created with me.

Thank-you for encouraging my creativity and "inventer" dreams by building huge creations with me using lego and mechano.

Thank-you for keeping up your end of our deal even though my room is currently messy again...

speaking of which, I've got to go clean it now.

Love,

Sarah

Happy 5 Year Bloggerversary To Me!!

Hello, everyone!

I can't believe it's been this long, but it really has.

On this day, June 15th, five years ago... I started this blog.

FIVE. YEARS.

Wordless Wednesday: Mary Ann's bday party (and band reunion)!

Musing Monday: Happy Birthday, Mary Ann!!

Today is a special day. On this day, 50 years ago, a pretty awesome woman was born.

Happy birthday, Mary Ann!!

Thank-you so much for welcoming me into your family; trusting me to love and care for and be loved and cared for by Peter, even though certain aspects of me are less than ideal.

Thank-you for the way you raised Peter; teaching him by example what a good relationship looks like, building his self-confidence, encouraging him to make good choices but still giving him lots of freedom...

Thank-you for teaching me to find my voice (okay, okay, I'm still working on it).

Thank-you for encouraging me to pursue my photography.

Thank-you for having me over every Sunday to watch Game of Thrones.

Thank-you for being patient with me through all my anxieties, awkwardness, and self-doubting.

Thank-you for not judging me.

Thank-you for all the bad-ass things you've done for me, directly or indirectly - getting me side stage for City and Colour and Mother Mother, helping my story get noticed for it to end up on CTV, fundraising for my surgery through your own freaking birthday party, basically co-managing my campaign, helping me find jobs here and there...

Thank-you for being strong enough for both of us when Peter was in the hospital. Enough said.

I hope to know you for a long time - I've still got a lot to learn from you.

Love,

Sarah

Throw-Back Thursday: Cool Kids Rollerblade... Even Inside the House (and how I got my black eye)

Sooo... this picture is extremely embarrassing.

But way too awesome to not share.

I believe it was my 6th birthday, and all I wanted was rollerblades. Imagine my excitement when that's exactly what I received!! And of course, complete with the knee pads, wrist guards, helmet, water bottle, backpack... yeah, I'd say that I was pretty well protected.

I might have been a bit too excited, though. I hardly ever took those things off. And when my parents finally told me that I couldn't rollerblade indoors, I still wore some of the pads around the house. I was a dork.

Interestingly enough, I remember that the pads I most often wore were the wrist guards - I remember liking the secure feeling they gave me.

Wordy Wednesday: Extreme Anxiety and Social Awkwardness, Both Online AND Off (Pt. 2)

Might I just start off by saying that my anxiety is sky-high just from writing this post?

Okay... trying to figure out how to even properly start this. I've wanted to write something like this for a while, but especially lately, it's becoming more and more relevant.

As much as I'm totally completely utterly extremely grateful for all the support I've been getting (both emotionally/mentally and financially), I've gotten to the breaking point where I'm so overwhelmed with it all that all I can do is curl up in a ball and either stare at the wall, stare at the TV but not know what show I'm watching, or attempt to sleep (sometimes I sleep WAY too much, and sometimes I can't sleep at all). I think this is from a mix of my normal physical (and emotional/mental) exhaustion of living with EDS+ and the additional pressures of replying to many many messages/comments/emails either wishing me well or asking me for advice and help.

And I feel like an utterly horrible person for often doing anything possible to not have to respond (at least for a good while).

These people have either taken time to send me beautiful messages of encouragement and/or message me because they think highly enough of me to seek advice and help with their own fight with EDS+. The very LEAST I can do is reach out and thank and/or help them.

And honestly, I usually do. And I LOVE doing it. But there's many times when it takes me FOREVER to do, if I do so at all.

What kind of terrible person AM I?!?!?!?

Tremendous Tuesday: Zach Sobiech

I don't even know what to say, other than PLEASE watch this. I've always tried to live as if I was dying (which is helpful since although I'm not terminally ill, my quality of life kind of is in a way), but this kid does that to the MAX.

I've never personally lost anyone this young to cancer, but I did lose my Auntie Sandy to cancer (not a biological aunt, but she was best friends with my mum from highschool until her young death a few years back). And of course, too many "friends of friends," and such.

Whether you've lost anybody at all or not, this is SO inspiring.

Tremendously inspiring.

I dare you to not cry (on the outside OR inside).

-Sarah

Musing Monday: What Do You Think About ____? Actually wait, please don't tell me. (Pt. 1)

Hearing the opinions of other people is a good thing, right?

I always say that I handle other people's opinions well. 

I've duped myself. Not sure if I fooled anyone else, though.

I can't take criticism. I just can't.

I mean, if you consider nodding and smiling and promising to change and do better and conform to what the other person is saying, then sure, I take criticism amazingly!

But really, if I even get a hint of somebody not agreeing with me, I go into panic mode and automatically assume that it means they hate me as a person and that I did something wrong and then I start a whole self-loathing episode and my brain reminds me of every single stupid thing I've ever done in my entire life.

It's bad. It's really bad. I know. But hard as I try, I've just always been like this. I have my suspicions as to why, but nothing confirmed.

So I just keep living like this. And it's always been this way. But why?

No amount of reassurance will help me. I appreciate it, but it doesn't work.

This isn't the best feature to have as a blogger/performer/artist...

I've been working on this post for a while, but it keeps tangenting into my other social quirks and anxiety-riddled life, and I intended this post to just be about not taking criticism well, sooo... I guess I'll just end it here.

Expect another more general post about my extreme awkwardness in the near future (I'll elaborate on this topic more, too).

I'm going to call this Part 1. Maybe make a mini-series of posts to try to explain my anxiety and accompanying issues. Hmmm.

-Sarah

Sing-Song Sunday: My High-School Rendition of "I'm Not Afraid of Anything"

First off: yes, I'm kinda cheating (posting this on Tuesday but setting it to appear to have been posted on Sunday). But in my defence, I already had it partially composed and was too tired to finish it and post it, sooo... my blog, my rules. ;)

Now, back to the post.

Okay, I'm about to go to Granville Island for the day with my Grandma Edna and little cousin Scotty, so I won't have time to do too much for today's post. But, a song that I preformed in high school keeps popping into my head, especially lately... it's called, I'm Not Afraid of Anything. But, in the song, you learn that the girl singing it really isn't as "scare-proof" as she would like to think.

I think it's rather self-explanatory as to why this is basically my anthem.

Give it a listen if you'd like! It's old, pitchy, shaky, amateur... and full of raw emotion. 

-Sarah

CTV NEWS!!

I'm also currently on the front page of the website for CTV news. No. Big. Deal.

Hello bloggy-world!!

I WAS JUST ON THE NEWS!!!! It was for CTV news' feature story on the 6 o'clock news!!

Here's the link (I'm going to try to get a hard copy to post so that I'll still have it when they eventually take this link down, so I'll post when I get it)!

My only complaint is that I look stoned in the still that they chose to use for the main photo... heh.

But seriously, just kidding about having any complaints, cause they did SUCH an amazing job of accurately portraying EDS and my fight with it (including my fundraising and upcoming surgery) in the limited time they had! And not only did they say really nice things about me on TV, they (Brent and Tamara) are SO nice in person!! I was really nervous about doing the interview, but they made me feel so comfortable. It was over-all SUCH a great experience. =)

And JUST since it aired tonight, we've already received more than $1500 in additional donations through Indiegogo!! I honestly don't even know what to say other than THANK-YOU to all those people from the bottom of my heart.

Anyways, that's all for now! I'm super tired but I just had to blog about this.

-Sarah

P.S. - A friend from Ontario said that she was watching Ellen on a BC channel and during a commercial break, a commercial for CTV's story on me came on!! =O ...So this means that some people watching Ellen saw an ad for my story?! That practically fulfills #3 on my bucket list!! ...Except not. But it was still pretty awesome!

I'm On a Commercial!!

Hey everyone,

Just a quick update - I was on a commercial for the news tonight!! =D

Why?

I'M GOING TO BE THE FEATURE STORY ON CTV NEWS TOMORROW NIGHT AT 6PM!!

I'm a little excited.

It's all about my fight with EDS+ and my upcoming spine surgery!

I taped the commercial with my phone so it's bad quality, but here it is! =)  (You might have to turn up your volume.)

Check back tomorrow on CTV at 6pm to see the full story!!

-Sarah

Throw-Back Thursday: The Recreation of an Old Photo

Ages 8 and 6; ages 19 and 17

Some things never change. But, a lot of things do.

Like our grass. I mean, the fact that we have a lawn now rather than the field of moss from the first picture.

And our heights. I was laughing about the fact that Emma was going to tower over me in the second photo, until we went outside to take the photo and discovered that the EXACT spot I had been standing  in the first photo now had a giant root lump.

Epic win.

Wordy Wednesday: Why I Hate Many Specialists/Explaining What POTS *Really* is

I'm going to lose it one of these days.

I posted a picture for Wordless Wednesday this morning, but then something happened that requires MANY words.

Today's specialist appointment.

In my (fairly vast) experience, specialist appointments are either amazing or horrible.

Today's was HORRIBLE.

Disclaimer: before I start ranting, know that I'm talking about the BAD specialists. Yes, there are amazing specialists - I've seen a few of them myself! So don't think I'm saying that all specialists are bad. I'm just focusing on the bad ones right now. Okay? Okay.

I'm just so completely sick of arrogant specialists.

Wordless Wednesday: Reason #39535802 Why I Keep Him Around

Tremendous Tuesday: Adri Martin: a Tribute Written by a Near-Stranger

Source: https://www.facebook.com/pages/RIP-Adri-Martin/414639905247514?hc

Today's post is tremendously sad.

I'm 2 days late, but I still wanted to write something in honour of Adri Martin, the girl I only had the pleasure of meeting once, though the memory of her and her tragic passing has haunted me for a year and 2 days now.

April 28th, 2012: I went to a birthday party for one of my best friends. Adri was there, and we were introduced. She was the life of the party! I remember thinking that we'd be friends if I lived closer.

Happy 50th birthday, Mum!

Happy Birthday, Mum!

Today, you turn 50. I know you're all like, "waaaah, I'm old, blah blah blah blah," but you're NOT! And a 50th bday is extra special, so I felt like that needed to be specified.

I'm sorry I'm so bad at showing my love and appreciation sometimes, but please know how much I truly do love and appreciate you.

I'm sorry that your birthday often gets a bit overshadowed, even if you don't feel like it does.

I'm sorry that we tend to butt heads a lot.

I'm going to try to stop apologizing in this post though, and focus on thanking you.

Sing-Song Sunday: One Big Unicorn by Gru (from Despicable Me)

Source: http://tinyurl.com/tumblr-DE

I was watching Despicable Me with Peter today, so I thought the book that Gru wrote for the girls would be perfect for today's post! So adorable and funny!

One Big Unicorn by Gru

One big unicorn, strong and free, thought he was happy as he could be

Then three little kittens came around and turned his whole life upside down

They made him laugh, they made him cry

He never should have said goodbye. 

And now he knows he can never part from those three little kittens that changed his heart.

One Month. One Month Until I Gain a Bad-Ass Scar.

Pretty much how I'm feeling right now.

One month.

It's officially one month until June 25th, the day my head and neck gets sliced open and a piece of my hip bone is screwed into my top two vertebrae.

Sorry, I felt like being gory. But hey, it's accurate.

But I'll be honest here... I'm actually really nervous. I know that it's not strange to be nervous about a major operation, but I normally try to play it off and pretend that I'm not. Really, it's for my own benefit as much as it is for the people who I'm talking to who I don't want to freak out/make sad/annoy, etc. If I separate myself from those feelings enough, I can usually function. But when I start to think about it and reality starts hitting me, I have to wimp out and push it out of my mind.

Foodie Friday: Microwaved Meals in a Mug; My Obsession

Today was a "microwave meal in a mug" kind of day.

Actually, to be honest, every day is a good day for making a meal in a mug.

I have my go-to list of 18 Microwave Snacks You Can Cook in a Mug that I've used for quite some time now (so far I've made French Toast, Meatloaf, and Chocolate Peanut Butter Cake from that list, and I also used to make Brownie/Cake in a Cup a lot when I was younger though I can't remember exactly which recipe I used). But today, I stumbled upon a list of 10 more recipes I can make with a mug, and found one that I knew I had to try this morning. 

Let me take you through my little adventure!

Throw-Back Thursday: Sorry, Emma

Well, sorry Emma.

This picture always makes me laugh. I actually remember it being taken, even though I was probably only about 3 or 4. I was trying to help her stand up properly... by apparently strangling her. Toddler logic.

My favourite part is that my mum took the picture rather than prying me off of her. But I'm sure she did after... right?

Maybe this is why I have neck problems now... what goes around comes around?

I think I'm going to make Throw-Back Thursday a regular blog post category now. I don't really have that much of a background story for this picture other than what I just typed above, but I've got some good stories for other pictures so be prepared!

-Sarah

SO MUCH CHANGE

Hello (likely non-existant now) followers!

The theme of this post is change.

The one thing that apparently hasn't changed though is my lack of Blogging on here. Poo. Blogging is such an amazingly useful outlet so I don't know why I'm so bad at regularly updating. **Insert promise about Blogging more frequently now here**

Anyways, if this isn't your first time reading my blog (again, if anyone is even reading this...) you might have noticed that I've made MAJOR changes. I mean, spending 5 hours fiddling with HTML kind of changes. I still have some work to do, but I'm pretty satisfied with how it looks for now!